SOUL SCRUBBING

You are justified in every action. To your view there can only come satisfaction. You O’ Lord scrub your wisdom on my foundation to give me better traction. My faith. I need clarity. Please

I’ve been shaken violently, thrown to my knees. Tryin to cast aside this disease. I need a breaker. I need the hammer and the torch. I need strength and a light. Open up my assured night. Cause the only way I can ever have assurance is in you and your Justified fight.

Please. Break my simple truths. Break me from my chains constructed from the experiences of my youth. Pull me from this dark, dank, clouded room. In your presence I need to be utterly consumed, profound.

Resume. Resume. Come to me O’ Groom that I have for too long walked away from the wedding, not looking for the transcending plains. Heaven and earth becoming a flamed. I have not been paying attention. I’ve been blinded by utter dissension.

And you said you had plans for me. Show me your majesty, majestic blessing. Show me words that stay caressing. Show me your grace that my hearts desire lays pressing.

I’ve got chains. Everybody has em. I’ve got chains, but I need change. They are huge, and they are the snake that grabs my throat and I violently choke. They choke out your Son in me, and I’ve for too long come undone. IT’s to you that I want to run. But I keep coming back to this room, cause I feel often that there is something in here that I lack. And then I place myself at the pedestal of token, idolatry. I place myself the footstool of adultery. Self-loathing then consumes me and I’m left once again choking.

I wanna run from this. It’s my everyday wish. But today I did the least that I could have yet again. I played my life in the setting where I just can’t win. Can you please help me to start over again? I’ve misjudged my life because of my wrong doings and sins. I need to see clearly yet again. Bring a cloth and scrub my eyes. Rub the dirt from my soul.

This shell is all but empty and has taken it’s toll. Grab a hold and a mass yourself unto me. I need to feel your presence yet again. Token idolatry is wearing me thin. I need to stop trying to climb these mountains of my desires again and again.

I can’t breath anymore. Show me please, show me there are desires that are better than these. Something more. That you God have something better in store.

Please implore. Present to me your scope. Because right now it seems like I’m unwilling to cope.

This is my prayer. That I’d find myself looking for you rather than this thing that leaves me dead, impaired.   –Dec. 21, 2010