SLOW DOWN LIVING

Slow time. Slow wants. Slow appreciation. Slow memories. Slow things cherished. Slow love. Slow portions. Slow hour glass. Everything fades with pleasure.

Slow down these easy little moments that I wanna call my home. That fades with every little pleasure. To make a story everything I’ve ever given or done has to be weathered and torn together to paint a picture and deliver a testimony.

And all the while I’m building up this life, gaining satisfaction, but little to no traction. It’s easy to live in simplicity than live in humility even I can’t slow down moments and time. I wish it would be simple to slow down time. But time is has no alliance with sinners.

I keep saying “I’ll just worry later. Later is the matter at hand. I have time to be a better man, a better lover, a better brother, a better someday father, a better boyfriend, a fiancé, a better husband, leader, minister, missionary, mentor.”

And one day I’ll be so fixed. I’ll be so correct. I’ll even be able to write a book about it, that is my turn around. I’ll write about my story cause people will perceive it to be interesting to see how explicitly I became me. How I became the man with the plan to be. The fruit bearer. The initiative taker. The abundant care giver. The one who’s life makes up the most interesting man in the world.

Yes, the most interesting man in the world cause throughout my life I keep making a set of goals to manage the holes left by the purpose given reality. Cause for this dreamer life was too plump and beautiful not to buy. The apple stuck like a twig in the blind man’s eye.

So slow time. Slow purpose. Slow the picture, cause I’m too busy living something bigger. I’m traveler. I’m explorer. I’m adventurer. I’m sight seeker. I’m old. I’m remembering. I’m envying the old me. I’m left with nothing. I’m left with memories and things. I can’t take any to the grave. I’m dead.

What is the horoscope that these eyes are looking unto? What was the lie this heart was sold into? When did simple living become so bold that I allowed myself to die tangled by sins foothold? Am I deranged or is it too late to change? Is there just something, some type of currency I could lay at your feet? Even if I deplete all of me, it wouldn’t be worthy enough to place in front of your Almighty seat.

I feel so dead before thee… could you send someone to mediate for me. I’m lost struggling. A lot of mistakes I’ve made in this past. I thought the building up would last. I just made my own grave to rest. Could you place a forgiving touch on this chest? Could you forgive all of the wrong that’s laying waste from beyond my own flesh? Could you help ME?